Archive for February, 2006

Service club, supper club and semi-social audiences enjoy a bit of merriment after their dessert. Every speaker has some distinct physical characteristics, character indicia or idiosyncrasies, either visible or known. Whether they are good or bad, take a bit of a poke at them to satisfy the audience’s mood for fun. A speaker who takes this ribbing well, soon holds the audience in his hand.

A public speaker recognizes kidding as an occupational hazard; it’s never fatal and a chronic kidder isn’t vicious-it’s just that he enjoys making a goat of someone. Consider kidding a badge of confidence, and it’s easier to take.

“Kid” Moore was an Oklahoma City Commissioner some years back. When any civic project fell below par or a new underpass became a puddle after a rain, Moore came in for some rough ribbing. A pal asked him how he managed to go along with it as well as he did, and Moore explained a bit of philosophy we could all bear in mind:

“When people like you, they kid you. When they give you an icy stare-beware!”
Ribbing the principal speaker is one thing, but taking a dig so deep in the introduction that he loses his dignity, is a different matter. The same old “market letter double talk” applies here; play the game according to the lay of the land.

Skip the stereotyped beginning that starts off with: “I am happy to present my friend, your friend, everybody’s friend . . . Mr. Goodie Goodie Goldenglow!”

There’s much to be said in favor of calling a spade a spade, but worn out expressions won’t brighten the build-up for your speaker. Instead of tritely saying, “The speaker is diligent,” make the audience feel that diligence; weave an element of diligence into the introduction: you may do so by saying that he never makes an ass of himself because he always works like a horse.

The emotional quality of “dignity” can be communicated by saying that dignity holds back on the tongue what shouldn’t have been on the mind in the first place.

Another example is not to refer to the speaker merely as “educated,” rather say, “Our speaker has more degrees than a thermometer.” If you want to call him “contented,” say that he’s contented as a kitten in a creamery crock. You will note here how emotion can be planted in an abstract quality:

A lackadaisical lad with the south in his mouth got emotion out of “composure” when he said, “When I works I works easy; and when I rests, I rests loose.”

A student pilot, his plane out of control, put emotion into his “calm” approach when he prayed, “Oh Lord, if You will get me out of this mess, I promise not to bother You for some time to come.”

The best speech like the best literature, is brief. One of the most important ingredients in a recipe for speech-making is shortening. A speech should begin with a bang and close with a crash. Back before movies, radio or television, tales of the West were confined to pulp publications tabooed by most parents but hidden in many haylofts by avid young readers. Nick Carter’s “Bang, bang, bang, Dick’s trusty rusty rifle echoed in the canyon-and three more Redskins bit the dust,” was standard stuff.

Moving forward to the present, a railroad lawyer with bikini brevity, put all the punch of his appeal into his opening statement:

“Jim Wills was driving out of Bristow as drunk as drunk could be. He couldn’t hear and he couldn’t see, for he barely missed a cottonwood tree. The night was dark and it started to rain when he turned his truck into our train.” With those well stated facts our ardent advocate could have enjoyed a quick victory but, lawyerlike, he became entangled in legal language. After that opener he used up sixty printed pages trying to prove a point on primary negligence and by that sheer wordiness, his plea lost his appeal. The moral of the story is that an introduction resembles a wheel: the longer the spoke, the greater the tire.

Don’t Ham

A “ham” is an amateur who tries to make himself the center of attention. The toastmaster’s job is to build up the speaker, not to toss bouquets at himself. His duty is to prepare the preliminaries so that the speaker may proceed with his speech. To do this he must make him so acceptable that the speaker need do no more than move out on the springboard and dive into his talk. How does one make a man more human? By making a monument out of the commonplace; a flashback to an inherent error of his youth is a good starter: Looking backward along the lumpy highroad of Red’s life, we see an awkward auk spending all his time just picking up the beans he spilled.

If your speaker is an accountant, a banker, lawyer, engineer or educator, then wind this old yarn around his penchant for positive proof: Back in Cautious CaTs boyhood in the “Show Me” State of Missouri, oftentimes rocks slide down the mountainsides. One day, Cal pried a boulder from its resting place up on a mountain top. The boulder bounded down the mountain, bounced through a livery stable, and came to rest beside a brick building. During this turbulent tour, Cal was in hot pursuit and when he came to the boulder’s resting place he carefully scanned all sides of the sandstone and shook his head, saying, “No moss!”

Avoid a tendency toward flowery language and exaggeration. Before you become fanatical in your introductory praise, recall the lovely daughter of the South: when she was asked whether she was a good girl, she convincingly answered “Oh, yas-suh! I’s virtuous-but I ain’t fanatic about it!”

If the principal speaker’s appearance detracts from what he says, meet his handicap for him: Lady Godiva proved long ago that it’s sometimes better to use the candid approach and let your hair down. Mention that he not only knows how to speak, but that he never fails to make a hit because he can laugh at his own shortcomings; that he adopts Lincoln’s personal fun-poking way that made history: During a debate, Douglas accused Lincoln of being two-faced and with complete candor Honest Abe came back, “If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?”

Rarely does his home place bear any relationship to his subject. The author’s introduction of Maine’s conservative U.S. Senator Owen Brewster is one of those exceptions that prove the rule:

Maine men are known conservatives-even a “mite contrary” about changing their ways. Maine was an original colony, but stayed an understudy of Massachusetts until it joined the Union in 1820. The sun first hits the States in this region of high tides and low times-a fortunate circumstance since this rugged area needs all the sun it can get. Its weather is rough and so is its coast, where inlets and reaches, rocks and beaches extend 250 miles of coast into 2400 miles of shore.

Generations of fishermen have worked this “Down East” edge of the Atlantic in fog and gale. Although radar now sees in the dark, these Old Salts want none of that newfangled stuff… they still steer by a sailor’s sixth sense. Our guest’s subject “Be Not the First to do What’s New,” fits a Maine man like a claw on a lobster. A rare instance wherein the nature of a State fits both the man and the subject.

In introducing a speaker on a controversial matter, it’s best not to boast about an open mind lest you be judged as having holes in your head. It’s important to be polite- but not stiff as starch. Offering advice to a speaker on how to handle his audience is as foolish as slamming a swinging door. If he isn’t capable of coping with it, why was he asked to attend? Remember Socrates? He ran around Greece giving free advice and by way of thanks, he was poisoned by his countrymen. The introducer’s taboos may be further summarized this way:

1. Be brief. Don’t be deluded into thinking that the introduction is the main speech.
2. Don’t “ham.” Don’t hog the show and try to make the principal speaker’s speech for him.
3. Don’t turn a simple introduction into a meandering marathon. Keep it simple and sincere.
4. Be sprite! Don’t be trite.

It’s intolerable to overload an introduction with biographical detail. Biographical speeches often sound syrupy as they set out the subject’s stimulating dreams, or his strenuous past. These sketches also follow a stereotyped form-usually the speaker begins by saying:

You probably never heard of Joe. Joe probably never heard of you either. But if you are a thinking man, he knows a lot about your thoughts.

This is followed by a flashback to his humble ancestry:
111 start with Joe’s Mother. After all, that’s where most people start.
Joe was born rather suddenly in “St. Jo” by the “Big Mo.” His Ma and Pa were so fond of their product that a family of five children followed. Saturday night baths in a tin tub were in inverse order according to age; the baby got the clean water . . . that’s why Joe always looked tanned when he was a kid until he got to girling around and decided to share the horse trough with the horses.

Later in life whenever Joe walked into a luxury hotel and saw the gleaming bathroom fixtures, he recalled that old galvanized tub in the kitchen. The speaker follows closely the course of Joe’s career- a course that aroused the jealousies of lesser lights, and this observation is followed by a thumb-nose sketch of his enemies. Then by way of contrast, Joe’s virtues appear and the wind-up is wound around a few parting words of wisdom, such as:
He believed that everyone around him was as honest as he was-a stubborn faith that wasn’t justified in every instance. Joe was frequently hurt and hurt badly-yet even these experiences failed to shake his belief in the goodness of people.

So much for Joe. The speaker’s presence is ample evidence that he was born-and how many people care where?
Natal notes seldom stimulate interest. When Kentucky’s Governor “Happy” Chandler publicly praised a centenarian, a mountaineer muttered,

“Oh, I dunno. He’s done nuthin’ ‘cept grow old and look how long it took him!”

The introduction first must state the speaker’s name, initial, and last name-all properly pronounced of course; his business connection or official title; and then the exact subject of his speech.

After that you might add how he qualifies as an authority, but don’t overplay his possibilities. It can be tough to live up to an extravagant introduction. Just because he mixes a little wit with wisdom, don’t call him a humorist because, if his jokes don’t jell, everybody’s disappointed. It is of prime importance to pronounce the speaker’s name properly; nothing is more pleasant to the human ear than a man’s own name. Nothing likewise is more embarrassing to the person who makes the introduction, than mispronouncing the first, last, or middle name. The most quoted misnomer bust occurred on a national radio hookup when a speaker, after a long and intimate description, introduced the speaker as “Hoobert Heaver.”

Shakespeare’s Romeo was in an ardent mood when he called a name a lot of nonsense, saying that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. We should bear in mind that swains are apt to talk out of turn, and a name may mean a great deal.

In the world of manufacturing, a name identifies the trials and tribulations necessary to promote a product by a trade title that’s attractive to the public. In that same way, a name marks the difference between you and me and a nameless nomad.

Place names attach special significance to a site. When old time “Billygoat Hill” was subdivided, the lots were a drug on the market until they were glamorized as “Angora Heights.” Even earlier the old settlers were satisfied with “Whiskey Creek,” which the W.C.T.U. viewed with disdain. “Sunnybrook” compromised that clash as a pretty name for a pretty brook (as well as a famous brand!)

Similarly “Hangtown” mellowed into “Placerville”; “Bedbug” became “Paradise”; and a young Indian petitioned the Court to let “Screeching Train Whistle” be shortened to “Toots.” When his cousin announced the birth of a second son, he was responsible for “Sheboygan.”

A strong example of the importance of a name came to light when a Fuller Brush man muffed his lines; instead of addressing the woman who opened the door as the “lady of the house,” he called her the “house madam”!

Introductions are as diversified as the individuals involved. There are very few rules to follow; but one cardinal canon (the more famous the speaker, the shorter the introduction), came about by sheer accident.

During Calvin Coolidge’s Presidency, he was scheduled to address a convention of advertising agents. A young man was selected and notified well in advance that he was to introduce the President. Although he was an experienced speaker, he worked himself into a state of nervous exhaustion pondering what to say on the momentous occasion. He fretted far into the night before the big banquet until he was struck by a sudden inspiration . . . and so he went to sleep. The next evening at the banquet he arose and stood momentarily in impressive silence. Finally he said:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States.”

This has become the conventional introduction and it would be considered presumptuous to say more. The night he used those brief words, he employed a completely unprecedented approach. Never in history had a President been introduced without elaborate pomp and palaver. Newspapers everywhere praised his simple, sensible introduction and so a custom was born.

Since that event custom also decrees that a well-known speaker needs no lengthy introduction, but an unknown orator needs all he can get. Only, don’t overdo! A summary of a successful introduction might be: “The first speaker sure made a hit.” “What did he talk about?” “About two minutes!” This double talk (to build him up but not to go too far), is not unlike the stock market letter that tells you “industrials are bullish but be careful how and what you buy.” In both instances, it’s important to analyze the situation and to play the game according to the lay of the land.

The rules for playing golf as well as for public speaking are readily understood. In golf, each hole is a separate challenge and is played a little differently from the other seventeen. Likewise in presenting public speakers, each requires a separate approach. It’s up to you to determine your strategy and whether you get a low golf score or a high platform rating depends upon no-one but you.