Archive for May, 2006

5. The conscientious soul
Anyone who knows the speaker knows that he’s a conscientious soul. They probably mean that he’s developed a good-sized conscience. Man comes into the world without a conscience, it’s a thing he develops as he grows. Most of us acquire ours by degrees, but felons and delinquents ignore that still small voice within and as a result their consciences never develop. For most of us, conscience is that something that hurts when everything else feels so good:

Reverend Charles Franklin Parker of Prescott, Arizona, says of this internal pest:

Some sins it makes us turn and run from, But mostly it simply takes the fun from. while Doctor Charles Ball of River Forest, Illinois, holds to these tenets: Conscience is the inner voice that gives a warning when somebody else is looking. It’s what small boys call the thing that makes you tell Mom before Sis does. It hangs around when the lights are out and you’re alone with yourself; if you’ve been good-it makes a soft pillow. All this seems to indicate that our conscientious speaker is far from being in the felon or delinquent class!

6. The silent type
Our speaker is the silent type, the President Coolidge “If-you-keep-quiet-you-can’t-be-quoted” kind.
People study and train themselves to say the right thing at the right time, but very few ever learn that they might save themselves a lot of trouble if they’d only keep still. Silence is the only substitute for brains; it conceals a sharp temper, a nasty disposition, and ignorance. Women adore the silent type they think it means he’s listening to them. Nature blessed us with the ability to keep still; our ears are made so they won’t shut and our mouths are made so that they will. It’s hard to tell whether our speaker knows all the answers in the book, but with his talent for silence it’s a sure thing that he has plenty of sense.

7. The neighborly sort
Our speaker is the sort of neighbor who smiles across the fence but doesn’t climb over it. He developed his talent for neighborliness out where it’s most often found, hovering over rail fences and along dusty roads where it’s important to people in remote areas. They depend so much upon each other. That’s why in frontier times, class hatred was merely something kids felt about school. His neighborliness makes our speaker welcome by every creed and class.

3. Trustworthiness
Today’s business employs verbose contracts and documents placed in escrow. Old timers mixing sentiment with their memories, treasure their faith in the sanctity of a man’s word. In their heydays, a man’s word was his bond. Thomas B. Slick was that way. Known in the oil game as king of the wildcatters, his executors honored every verbal lease and scribbled memo just as Slick did in his lifetime.

Old timers are proud of those verbal deals, sealed with a handshake and sometimes involving millions. Jim Butler struck the Tonapah gold, and granted countless leases on the main vein with naught but a handclasp to bind the bargain. Every agreement was worked to date of expiration; every royalty dollar paid without suit. That simple faith passed with the passing of many other frontiers, and very few of its followers-such as our speaker today-yet remember.

4. Personality traits
Any inquiry regarding our speaker is apt to bring the same response-What a character! That could be a term with a hidden meaning: Character we build for ourselves, while heredity is handed down. Fathers recognize this truth until their sons begin to act like idiots.

The mixture of character and heredity makes an individual interesting. While we all have much in common, each of us-whether sinner or saint-is a bundle of personal unpredictable traits. Some of them we inherit from our ancestors down through the centuries-others rub off in the lives we lead.

Some individuals develop characters that lend themselves to legend, others stay as spineless as spiders. The way a man’s makin’s are mixed spells the difference between the mite and the mighty, and determines whether the sands of time will bear his footprints … or only leave an impression that he was a heel.

The Speaker’s Reputation

Careful inquiry seldom fails to bring out some interesting tidbit about a speaker’s character. Among his virtues (or vices) may be traits that would endear him to the audience. On the virtuous side, perhaps he’s a man of great integrity or well known for his trustworthiness. On the “worser” side, he may have an invective flair-”landing field” difficulties, or a gnawing agitation about age. Then there’s also that Holy Joe-full of sweetness and light-in sharp contrast to the man who’s a dean of discord.

1. The tightwad type
Our speaker is said to be miserly, yet he belies that certain look we associate with the tightwad. Usually we think of them as long lean buzzards with the windpipe of a plucked rooster-men who extoll high moral standards for the other fellow to follow. Some of these cadavers are tight as a warped door-cross their hands and they’d look like warnings on a bottle of poison.

Women can be tightwads too-take the matron who noticed a little boy wearing long pants, board a bus. He paid full fare. Another little boy wearing short pants boarded the bus, and he got by for half fare. Next day she boarded a bus and the driver didn’t collect anything. She had a transfer.

2. Integrity
Every inquiry about our speaker elicited a response that he’s a man of great integrity. Integrity is a close cousin to honesty, both are Phi Beta Kappa in the school of virtue. It’s an unfortunate circumstance that they still need a helping hand because the “Lost” advertisements continue to outnumber the “Found”. Perhaps that’s due to the old standby that honesty pays but not enough.

As with most virtues, integrity is a matter of degree. During the slim pickings of depression days, a movie house instructed its cashier “When somebody forgets his change, tap on the window with a dollar bill!” Atop this pile of integrity sits poor but honest Paul. He paid an income tax on money he got for his vote.A man with personal integrity is dependable; he is sound; he keeps his promises; he is our speaker today.

Marital Status

When a speaker’s marital status and other characteristics are well known they may serve as the basis for some good-natured ribbing. A bachelor or spinster may open a new approach in an introduction, and every club has a “stingy” member who is otherwise a popular person.

Bachelor

Our speaker is a rolling stone that’s gathered no moss; in short, he’s a bachelor. He’s foot-loose and fiancee-free because he either put his mind over matrimony, or else he just never had a bride idea. Some men seek romance, some seek finance; then there are those who won’t work for love NOR money. One “unattached” fellow says he’s had a few flames but hasn’t met his match, and that his life is one undarned thing after another. He thinks a love nest is for the birds.

Spinster

Our speaker is a spinster with an outstanding record for service. Some misses stay maidens because they’d rather darn men than mend socks, but our guest isn’t like that. She’s been so busy lavishing her love on kith and kin that one lone man would be lost in her heart.

Her spinster chum has a different reason: She puts up a brave front about having what it takes-but nobody wants it. She always thought she was right, and now finds herself left. She’s determined that her tombstone shall read: “Who said you can’t take it with you?” One gal in her fading forties apologizes for her single status by admitting that she wanted to marry-but never found the right amount. She’s searching for someone strong and solvent. Poor doll, she has all the answers but is guilty of contempt of courting. Nobody’s going to catch her playing post office with a second-class male. She’s always wanted to be a June bride-but what do you bet she’d settle for the dead of winter? Whatever her reason for single blessedness, you’ll seldom find a spinster who doesn’t make light of her “plight”-nor will you find a better scout about tolerating the mockery that thoughtless folks make of her unwed way.

3. The cautious kind
Furtive glances are mannerisms of a cautious character. Caution too was epitomized by the Vermont farmer fresh from the fields who shoved his government check under the bank teller’s window. The teller scanned the amount and counted out the cash. The farmer stood before the window and slowly, deliberately counted every penny.

He took so much time that the young man asked, “What’s wrong, didn’t I give you the right change”?

The old fellow peered over his dirty round specs, shifted his cud and said “Son, you just barely did!”

4. The tranquil type
A tranquil speaker may be favorably compared with the Englishman in a tavern. When a stick-up man showed up and ordered, “Every bastard hit the floor, face down”, the Limey didn’t budge. When the robber scowled in his direction he calmly said, “There were a lot of them, eh what?”

When an equally tranquil bank teller was handed a note saying, “I’ve got you covered, hand over the cash” he scribbled in return: “Please go to the next window I’m on my lunch hour!”

5. The phlegmatic person
A phlegmatic individual is not quickly carried astray. His casual air is well illustrated by this story about the late Mrs. Albert Einstein: She had a special talent as the phlegmatic, easy-does-it kind of person. While viewing the famous hundred inch telescope at Mt. Wilson Observatory, she listened intently as the complex equipment was explained in technical detail. When told that the telescope’s chief purpose was the discovery of the shape of the universe, Mrs. Einstein observed, “Oh-really? That’s what my husband does-only he uses the back of an envelope!”

Associating the speaker’s easy manner with this incident creates a degree of confidence in the audience; they feel that he is a person free of prejudice and not blinded by bias.

Characteristics

1. Poise
In selecting a Queen for a special occasion, judges vote for different qualities; one looks for cheesecake, another for complexion; a third won’t pass on the curves, and a fourth thinks rosy cheeks come by the bottle. In the final countdown, the winner is picked on an entirely different basis- the girl with the poise goes home with the crown.

Poise is not an inborn trait; it’s a talent we acquire by conscious control over hurry, worry, fear and flurry, a quality so important that movie people rate it tops among their proteges. They dub their culture classes the “Slow Cow School” patterned after the undisturbed, slow-motion habits of bovines in the pasture.
Poise is well defined as the difference between raising your eyebrow and flipping your lid. A speaker with poise carries conviction.

2. Tact
Tact is a tractable quality. A tactful speaker has the ability to stand on his own two feet without stepping on anyone’s toes, and he knows enough to shut his mouth before somebody else wants to. He knows how to hammer home a point without hitting the other fellow over the head.

Our speaker is tactful; he can give a shot in the arm without letting a fellow feel the needle, and get his point across without stabbing anybody with it. He practiced tact early when his puppy love school chum asked, “Am I the first girl you’ve ever kissed,” and he told her “As a matter of tact-yes!”

13. The toothpick type
There’s also a light side to this shapely story; the lean-as-a-totem-pole guy who stays thin as a tortilla, and his gal who could pick her way through a piccolo and miss every note. Remember though-men seldom make passes at an angular chassis.

14. Habits that show

Oftentimes, our mental habits mold our countenances. Think with a smile and your eyes twinkle, be attentive, and your expression becomes alert. Similarly, negative thinking and mental decay create a face with a fixed, immobile expression-the kind affected by gamblers in real life and by butlers on stage.

Some women spend hours having their faces mauled and their charms overhauled. On the Avenue, operators fill in the flap, strip the folds, and pound out the pouches; but in the Budget Beauty Bar near the brewery they powder a gal’s pan to snow in the wrinkles, and often give the old henna rinse. Despite all these artifices, habits have a way of showing through.