Archive for January, 2007

The Helpmate

In some ways a successful political leader may be captain of his fate, but in many matters he takes orders from his mate. A few men have foresight, but all women have insight and the corridors of Congress are crowded with ambitious women pushing their husbands ahead. No woman makes a fool of a man, but many of them have made a man of a fool. Lobbyists stand in awe of feminine intuition, that womanly way of reading between the lies . . . and they speak of Solomon as the wisest guy in antiquity because he had the advice of so many. Another school of thought advances the theory that God made women last because He didn’t want any advice while He was creating man.

Our guest today is living proof that there is always a chance that a woman will give a man an opportunity to develop his natural capacities, and he’ll take it.

Royalty

Some of us look with disdain upon royalty’s unearned gains, a reaction Elizabeth dispelled when she moved among us and captured our affections by proving herself every inch a Queen.

Royal rank involves infinitely more than acknowledging curtsies and adulation; there’s an endless devotion to endless duties that demand more self-discipline than most of us could muster. In her royal capacity a Queen endures the strain of smiling until her muscles tremble from fatigue and she suffers exhausting hours when she stands supported by two tired feet. The wear and tear of being the constant center of attention is tremendous; pomp, protocol and tradition forbid her the freedoms of the ordinary girl who can powder her nose, straighten her hose, and slip a cramped toe from her patent pump.

Harry Truman used a folksy expression before Elizabeth ascended to the throne. He smiled when he met her and said, “Ever since I was a boy I’ve dreamed of seeing a pretty princess-and here she is!”

Keywords: Public Speaking, Public Speakers, Public Speaking Tips, Public Seminar Speaking

Blondes

Our speaker is a normal man-he takes a second look at every blonde. He favors flaxen haired damsels . . . and doesn’t overlook the raven beauties or the sultry brunettes who choose to become what gentlemen prefer. He tells of a corn-tassel-top who brings out the explorer in men; she wears black garters in memory of those who have gone beyond. She’s looking for the right guy-but keeps having fun with the wrong ones.

There are all sorts of blondes; the glamorous gal who can’t keep out of arm’s way; the doll with designs in her eyes as well as her dress; and the gold-digger who brings out the animal in men. Mink! When any of these peroxided sisters enter a room, they make every unbleached wife stop, look-and bristle!

“Gold Diggers”

The “gold digger” tag for a certain type dame, went out when we went off the gold standard . . . but don’t let that fool you into thinking that through the fluctuations of our diminishing dollar, some dolls don’t still purr for their fur. It isn’t true that a gold digger didn’t want to marry; it probably was that she never found the right amount, and never took a man for granted as long as he could be taken for anything else. Gold diggers remained true to their type . . . they knew a good thing when they saw it, and none had her heart so badly damaged that money wouldn’t cure it.

Dowagers

She was a buxom gold coast dowager at least sixty-in both age and girth. She was a stubborn stout in her velvet gown and diamond tiara. Whenever she moved, the glare of her jewels was as bright as the headlight of the Super Chief in the desert at midnight. She always carried a dirty look in her hand, one that she held up to her eyes to look over every situation and prove that she was right.

Keywords: Public Speaking, Public Speakers, Public Speaking Tips, Public Seminar Speaking

Maidens

A maiden is a maid in waiting for some guy smart enough to make money but stupid enough to give most of it to her. Some maidens change their ways-but their designs stay the same. They listen to a man’s voice for an engagement ring, then get a wedlock on him. One reason why they’re such live wires is because they wear so little insulation.

Indian maidens had heap big fun in the buffalo grass with a beau and error, but the modern miss knows how to stay on her toes to protect herself from a heel. She knows the difference between a proposal and a proposition, and that her biggest asset is a man’s imagination. Nothing keeps a maiden on the straight and narrow so much as being built that way; she’d rather be well formed than well informed, and she asks in her prayers to be looked over-but not overlooked.

Girl Scout Leaders

We’re coming into the season when Girl Scout leaders plan their spring and summer schedules; any Dad elected to repair last winter’s damage at camp appreciates the work of these leaders. It takes a lot of planning to harness the energies of growing girls. The first ten minutes of a meeting go toward quelling the giggles, and if one of them mentions the current singing crush … it takes ten more to squelch the squeals.

There’s much more to scout leadership than teaching bobby-soxers the scout oath; their leadership wields a strong influence in molding these malleable young minds and in convincing them that the scout rules they live by now are an ideal code of conduct for life.

A few years from now, today’s scouts will be tomorrow’s professional women and housewives. Guiding them toward these destinies is a large order. Doctors can give counsel on good health, then go con-ventioning and ignore every caution -but scout leaders counsel and advise on a code by which they personally abide.

Keywords: Public Speaking, Public Speakers, Public Speaking Tips, Public Seminar Speaking

Husband

A husband is a bachelor who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness. Our guest is one model husband who’s given his wife the best ears of his life. He thinks he’s a cock pheasant in a chicken run but all he runs around the house is the errands; his wife takes charge of the kids, the servants, the dog and the parakeet. She lets him say what he pleases to the goldfish.

Yet with all this, he’s lost when his wife’s away and he’s off the leash-maybe because he’s never footloose or fancy free long enough to get used to freedom. She knows he’s like a cigar-not much good once he’s gone out. Our guest will make every effort to break down this buildup, and insist that he’s the boss in his household. But a man with a line like that will lie about other things too!

Little Girls

Between babyhood and maidenhood lies the baffling land of girlhood-the period that embraces doll days, the ugly duckling stage, and the “I hate boys” phase … but through them all, little girls are about the nicest thing that can happen. Maurice Chevalier sang it for us in “Thank Heaven for Little Girls.”

A wonderful bit of a angel dwells in every little girl-along with an impishness she uses as a pickin’ string once she has a lasso ’round your heart. Whether she’s ladylike as lace or baking mud pies on the steps; whether she’s fraying all your nerves or sitting still in her Sunday best, she’s either the sweetest or the sauciest little lass in the world. She shows her Motherhood instincts when she drags her doll by one foot, or turns into a tomboy ‘ere she learns that her strength lies in her weakness. She can shriek the worst, grate your nerves the most, pout the prettiest, dig at your dignity the deepest, and register nothingness more when you want to show her off … then, wide-eyed, become the biggest flirt when it’s time to correct her!

A little girl can muss up your home, your hair, your dignity; spend your time and try your temper-but when your patience is ready to pop she turns into a little angel and you find yourself lost all over again!

Keywords: Public Speaking, Public Speakers, Public Speaking Tips, Public Seminar Speaking

Types People Talk About

The people we meet along life’s pathways put on the world’s greatest show of shows. Some performers entertain us with their admirable assets, others limp through the program as liabilities. Some play up their vices, others turn to virtues. Most of them are sincere, but now and then we watch a phoney go through his act. There are a few comics, but the majority are serious, sober people. There are types that are typical and those that are colorful. . . what a kaleidoscope, this passing parade! Appearances so often are deceptive-just as today’s dollar is; it looks as it did ten years ago, but there the similarity stops. It is often necessary to talk of a type of person and these generalities can be adjusted to fit.

Wolf

Even when knighthood was in flower, a wolf could make news-remember Red Riding Hood? Today a young lady doesn’t run into only one wolf in a lifetime, she finds them on every corner and in the middle of the block. These predatory males are guys who know all the ankles; tall, dark and all hands they’re single men with a double purpose. The age of a wolf is an undetermined thing embracing terrific teen-agers; college kids too poor for etchings (they ask a co-ed to come-up-and-see-the-handwriting-on-the-wall); prowlers who trip the night fantastic; and worn out roues wearing faces filled with broken commandments.

Old Rou

Spring brings everything out into the sunshine, from crew-cut youngsters on scooters to romantic old roosters sporting talc at their temples. Some of these big dame hunters won their first girls on a bicycle built for two- now they’re playboys dabbling in stocks and blondes . . . romantic old duffers who enjoyed every decade of a riotous life with a last ditch buoyancy that makes Don wan by comparison. Usually they are amorous old goats-every other inch a gentleman. Girls keep running through their minds-they don’t dare slow down to a walk. One deserter from the ranks of these roues fell for the frills of a charming widow. She turned him into a house-broken husband-a tired old tomcat who wants only to hurry home and purr by her fireside.

Cad

A heel can be a hero in rusty armor but a cad is just a low-bred bum who clings to the bottom rung of society’s ladder. He may be blessed with a chess champ’s mentality but his pick-pocket instincts pop out. His frustrations and complexes he blames on his Father, because “the old boy never applied the paternal board to my understanding during my formative years.” On the sands of time he doesn’t even leave the marks of a heel.

One cad was the offspring of a pair of bad ancestors. His father was a petty thief, his mother a kleptomaniac. After Willie was born the doctor missed his watch and didn’t find it until the nurse unclenched the wee fellow’s fist. A cad never will admit that he’s a self-made problem child. One of them spent a fortune to cure his halitosis-only to find that his friends didn’t like him anyway.

Keywords: Public Speaking, Public Speakers, Public Speaking Tips, Public Seminar Speaking

Secretaries

A prime requisite of even the comeliest, most capable cog in the office machine is the ability to get along with people. Thus, the secretary needs to be a combination of competence and curves with beauty and brains well blended. She needs to master grammar as well as Gregg (to revise her head man’s tense without losing the sense). She makes his appointments, buys his tickets, hunts his gifts, covers up for his cussedness, sews on a loose button, and keeps his bank account balanced.

A secretary is a lesson in diplomacy for she has to stay gracious as a gal in a plantation mansion despite the boss’s indolence, frustrations, and five o’clock dictation. She remembers his friends as well as his foes; his favorite brand, pet peeves, old clients, new accounts, tastes, wastes and false hastes . . . the things he likes and those he doesn’t. She reminds him when his hair needs trimming and his shoes need shining and when he blows his top and abuses his fellow man-hers is the chore to stop the roar and cover up his discourtesy.

Meantime and in between time, she must look like a girl, think like a man, act like a lady, and work like a dog! In this poetic resignation, unaddressed and unsigned for obvious reasons, a secretary summarizes her trials and tribulations:

Dear Boss:
I am tired. I’m quitting this game.
My head has gone dizzy, my back has gone lame.
My seat is all calloused, my hand’s paralyzed
From taking dictation. God help my poor eyes!

I’ve finished the brief in the Worcestershire case … a sloppy memento of this awful pace.

The Writ of Attachment was served on the Bank.
Defendant just called he thinks it’s a prank.
Miss Pewster was in and she asked that you ‘phone,
Your wife’s raising hell, says she’s so much alone.
The stamps are all gone, you need a new chair,
Your nails could stand trimming; remember your hair!
I cleaned out the bottles and cigarette butts.
You’ll need a new steno for THIS one’s gone nuts I

Keywords: Public Speaking, Public Speakers, Public Speaking Tips, Public Seminar Speaking