About Secretaries

Secretaries

A prime requisite of even the comeliest, most capable cog in the office machine is the ability to get along with people. Thus, the secretary needs to be a combination of competence and curves with beauty and brains well blended. She needs to master grammar as well as Gregg (to revise her head man’s tense without losing the sense). She makes his appointments, buys his tickets, hunts his gifts, covers up for his cussedness, sews on a loose button, and keeps his bank account balanced.

A secretary is a lesson in diplomacy for she has to stay gracious as a gal in a plantation mansion despite the boss’s indolence, frustrations, and five o’clock dictation. She remembers his friends as well as his foes; his favorite brand, pet peeves, old clients, new accounts, tastes, wastes and false hastes . . . the things he likes and those he doesn’t. She reminds him when his hair needs trimming and his shoes need shining and when he blows his top and abuses his fellow man-hers is the chore to stop the roar and cover up his discourtesy.

Meantime and in between time, she must look like a girl, think like a man, act like a lady, and work like a dog! In this poetic resignation, unaddressed and unsigned for obvious reasons, a secretary summarizes her trials and tribulations:

Dear Boss:
I am tired. I’m quitting this game.
My head has gone dizzy, my back has gone lame.
My seat is all calloused, my hand’s paralyzed
From taking dictation. God help my poor eyes!

I’ve finished the brief in the Worcestershire case … a sloppy memento of this awful pace.

The Writ of Attachment was served on the Bank.
Defendant just called he thinks it’s a prank.
Miss Pewster was in and she asked that you ‘phone,
Your wife’s raising hell, says she’s so much alone.
The stamps are all gone, you need a new chair,
Your nails could stand trimming; remember your hair!
I cleaned out the bottles and cigarette butts.
You’ll need a new steno for THIS one’s gone nuts I

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