Characters of speakers - agitated over age and the meek

13. Agitated over age
A speaker suffering from a fixation about age usually bemoans his advancing years, yet he has no suggestion for how to curtail them. He is unaware of the ways in which aging improves paintings, whiskey, and people. Of him and his kind we should ask at the start, why all the rage about age?

None of us can halt the advancing years-we’d all be dead if we did. We start to grow old on the day we’re born and keep it up ’til the day we die. Fighting Father Time is as futile as throwing away a boomerang. We’ve heard the bleached blonde on a bar stool who mourns her lost youth and cries over her spilled years. A femme of finer fettle pursues her own private techniques, putting up character lines and trying to cover baggy eyes. You’ve seen a “him” or two, too-with his swollen waist and receding hair-he picks a wink-side seat at a girlie show.

When we slow the tempo of our everyday lives, we capture joys we never knew before. Once the flaming years have turned to embers, nature banks the fires of our desires. Some of the gay blades who burned the candle at both ends are even satisfied with an old flame. Contentment is a blessing as silver threads replace the gold, for things we couldn’t have in our youth-we no longer crave when we’ve grown old.

14. Holy Joe
“A little to the right of Joshua” is the way Palmer Hoyt, Denver Post publisher, describes a self-righteous fellow who wallows in his own virtue. As a rule his theme revolves around a mealy-mouthed member of society who made good. The audience may be seasoned for “Joes” P^ea f sweetness, light and pious perfection if the merits of meekness are played up in the introduction: The meek shall inherit the earth-the Bible tells us so.

Take Jed. He was meek as a mouse. He inherited a thousand acres from his hard-drinking, hard-working, hard-fighting father, but was no more like his old man than a rabbit is like a timber wolf. He never so much as made a “B” grade beanbag team. He found country life too rugged and unrefined, so, after renting the ranch to a thieving tenant-he headed for the city. In time the land was sold for taxes and the tenant bought it up. There’s something pathetic about people like Jed; they’re too meek to say boo to a bunny. Maybe they do inherit the earth-but they sure don’t know how to keep it!

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