Equipped with a Quip and Keeping the Program moving

Keep the Program Moving

Organizations are increasingly aware of the importance of conducting meetings on schedule and restricting speakers to definite time limits. The Chicago Bar Association employs a splendid system:

Judge Arthur Murphy and his members of the Committee on Arrangements dine together near the speakers’ table and keep the chairman on course by flasher signals. It works wonders! Annual reports from fifteen different committees (remember all lawyers!) are presented within a fifty minute period. This dispatch leaves the speaker of the evening sufficient time to develop his topic before the suburbanites dash for the nine o’clock commuters’ special.

Religiously following a time schedule avoids these incidents so aggravating to the speaker who has been requested to present a limited-time address. He has carefully prepared his material to fit the schedule and then, due to the inability of the toastmaster to observe that timing, he is asked at the eleventh hour to condense his time and butcher his talk. This rudeness is paralleled only by a toast-master who completely ignores the speaker once his speech is concluded, and overlooks thanking him and commending him for his address. A few brief words are sufficient, but a lengthy review is quite out of place.

Be Equipped with a Quip

An efficient toastmaster supplies himself with fitting quips of recent vintage to cover up confusion from those “unforeseen” circumstances that arise at every meeting. Some programs allow for an informal intermission (often after the “eatin”‘). On one occasion this pause in getting the “speakin’” part of the meeting under way was delayed because of proximity to the bar. The toastmaster after calling the meeting to order, announced that the speaker looked upon drinking as something similar to spelling Mississippi-a matter of knowing where to stop . . . but while waiting for the introductory speaker to fortify his feelings, he mentioned one guest who was also absent, saying:

He is a tavern keeper and though he personally never drinks the stuff, he’s generally full-of tavern tales. He tells about a lushed-up loquatious Texan who brags about a music-minded buddy of his who leaves home fit as a fiddle and staggers back tight as a drum. One spree landed him in jail and in telling the Court why he thought the prisoner was really drunk, the arresting officer explained: “I saw him put a penny in the patrol box on Fourth Street, look up at the clock on the corner Church, and holler ‘Yippee-I’ve lost fourteen pounds.’”

Another time he attended a tearful, bibulous wake. The guests who could still stand on their feet took the corpse from the coffin and substituted a passed-out pal. Hours later this understudy for the deceased, awakened. In trying to adjust to his surroundings he pondered, “I must be dead or I wouldn’t be in this casket. But if I’m dead, why do I wonder where the bathroom is?” Very often when a general discussion follows a speech on a controversial subject, the toastmaster (who is required by custom to remain strictly neutral) is pressed for his opinion. He might escape this awkward situation with the story of the politician who took to the fence for safety when he was caught between conflicting fields of thought -by saying:

It appears that many prefer this proposed procedure, and they include a number of my friends. I too can see the logical way they face these facts. It also appears that others oppose the plan, and they also include many of my friends. I respect their reasoning. Now you ask for my views: Well, I’ve given the issue a lot of thought and I agree that it is a vital issue-one that’s too big for any one person to settle by himself. It’s a subject a man wants to discuss with his friends. I’ve done precisely that-and I stand strictly for my friends.

Introductory speakers, especially when the program is long and the speaker is a noted man, often urge the audience to rise and honor the guest. This serves a dual purpose: It pleases the speaker, and relaxes his audience with a limited seventh inning stretch.

Tags: public speaking

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