Feminine doings and dealings

Feminine faults (Reading for men only)

These bits about feminine doings and dealings have been gleaned from countless marital bouts; veterans of the skirmishes identify women as the feline sex because of their catty characteristics: they preen by the hour, purr when buttered up; get huffy when rubbed the wrong way; and like to scratch in a fight. Fashionwise, she’s poor with a hole in her sole-but in style with holes in the toes. Why do women who aren’t slack insist on wearing slacks . . . and then think they look spick with all their span? You can count on the one with a cucumber silhouette (that only a kimono could hide) to show up in toreador pants.

Funny thing about women; they give two reasons for everything-a good one and the real one. A famous poet once said of a woman that she may not bite-but her wiles can sure gnaw on a guy. Medical evidence upholds the Bible’s story of Eve’s creation from Adam’s rib. This missing cervical is described by Webster as “a supernumerary rib sometimes found in the neck above the usual first rib.” According to medical men it’s an old crooked rib that sometimes causes a man so much pain that it has to be removed. Thus, the saying that women give men a pain in the neck.

Recently a couple of gals were enjoying the isolation of a peaceful, primitive spot. They wrote home saying that they weren’t one bit lonely because they had each other to talk to; all they needed was a third to talk about. A woman may suffer in many ways-but it’s never in silence: in one breath she hasn’t anything to wear-and in the next there’s not enough space in the closet. With the same inconsistency she’ll drive half a block to the drugstore to pick up her reducing pills.

Any time you ask a woman how old she is you’re asking for a youthful figure-she could add years to her life if she’d just tell the truth. A woman is as young as she thinks you’ll believe she is, and along that line did you hear of the economical gal who put 30 candles on her 40th birthday cake? The average woman isn’t old at fifty because she’s never even fifty; she doesn’t begin to grow older until her friends start telling her how young she looks; and one of the hardest decisions of her lifetime is when to start middle age. I remember telling one dolled up dame that her stocking was wrinkled and was my face red when she said she wasn’t wearing any. She’s the one who distinguishes a “girl” as one who goes for bulging muscles, whereas a “woman” wants a bulging billfold. It’s typical of women to be attractive at 20, attentive at 30, and adhesive at 40. All of which goes to prove that men can never tell about women and if they can-they shouldn’t.

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