Hospitality and Law man introductions

Hospital-ity

When a first-time patient enters a hospital he finds it full of unhospitable surprises. First, a receptionist sees him and signs him in (after he proves that he can pay for his stay). After his credit is established he’s turned over to an unsympathetic escort who accompanies him in an elevator. At each floor the door opens on the sterilized smell of anaesthetics, medicines and food. Maternity patients on white carts are heading for the heir port and each open arch looks as though one ward just leads to another.

Finally, he comes to his own clinical cubicle and is ordered to bed in a gown too brief to be decent. When he’s barely settled, he answers questions, has his temperature taken, answers questions, swallows a first cousin to wallpaper paste, answers questions, and finally-when the sounds of the night are somewhat stilled-he drifts into restless sleep. In no time at all the shafts of the morning sun show up and the bed-pan brigade clatters down the hall, wash basins bang at each bedside, and a sweet young thing brings his breakfast. Surely, the only logical reason for that cock-crow awakening is to get a little work in before the night shift leaves.

On the heels of his tasteless toast comes another question and answer period, followed by tests, probings, Xrays . . . then finally the blood-letting begins. The entire sterilized routine is so statistical, impersonal, and indifferent, that even an effervescent convalescent feels levelled so low that he’s next to inanimate . . . just a case history on a hospital chart.

The law man

Perry Mason’s creator (Erie Stanley Gardner) is an exception to the illusion that crime doesn’t pay. In Chicago it collects, where “the boys” make book in City Hall-or so the story goes. Our speaker is of the opinion that taking the line of least resistance makes a man crooked; the ones who resist the least end up crooked as snakes with the colic, and when one of them dies, they just screw him down into the ground.
“Honor among thieves” he says is a lot of nonsense. A crook is just as bad as anybody else.

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